Day 12 and Fasting

Thoughts:
I preference my efforts to fast 21 days with the note that I was not a very good faster and that fact still remains.  I am struggling with fasting still and will probably attempt to at least do it two days a week as our Lady has asked us to through her messages she's given in Medjugorje.  Some may think I am weak and a failure and that, I am, no doubt.  I believe in the merits of fasting, and I know that I am weak and still need to try; however, through the past ten to twelve days I have had some realizations.  One is that I am notorious for putting myself on a rubric, a schedule, a list of dos and don'ts, so in this fast, I feel like I have added to that and in a sense missed the important things I should be fasting from, such as an unforgiving heart, judgement of others and myself, etc.  I hope I will one day be able to do a fast for a long haul and I will continue to try.  For now I am deliberating and being honest about my weaknesses.   Upon reflecting on this weakness I found this quote, perhaps a reminder from God not to completely give up or loose heart or think my efforts have been lost or in vain:

There are three things, my brethren, by which faith stands firm, devotion remains constant, and virtue endures. They are prayer, fasting and mercy. Prayer knocks at the door, fasting obtains, mercy receives. Prayer, mercy and fasting: these three are one, and they give life to each other. Fasting is the soul of prayer, mercy is the lifeblood of fasting. Let no one try to separate them; they cannot be separated. If you have only one of them or not all together, you have nothing. So if you pray, fast; if you fast, show mercy; if you want your petition to be heard, hear the petition of others. If you do not close your ear to others you open God's ear to yourself.

-- Saint Peter Chrysologus

So, I know God is calling me to master this difficulty. I know he wants to give me certain graces and blessings.  So I will continue to show a fast/sacrifices in some way shape or form and mediate on our Lady's requests and advice.

Prayer:

Lord, I am weak, so I need you to be strong as I will work on taking time to fast this week.  Be with me, have mercy on me and create in me a pure heart O, God.  Amen.



The 2nd Station and Day 9 of Fasting

Day 9:

In my daily effort to spend some private time with God, I sometimes read the Stations of the Cross.  I've always felt compelled by the "Way of the Cross," because it helps me to put my own struggles in perspective. It makes me recall when Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).  Essentially, I know that because Christ died for us, death, along with sin, struggles and suffering cannot conquer.  I personally need to remind myself of this fact, hence I mediate on the stations. 



This morning in my mediation on the Stations of the Cross, I focused intently on the Second Station:  Jesus is Given His Cross.  The reflection stated:

          Jesus calls:  The life giving tree becomes the Cross for me.
                                For "Cursed is the one hung on a tree."
                                Life's tree for you is as different as it was for me; it
                                often appears as rejection in all areas of work and play.
                                However, it is the way to know how to love my Father more!


        I answer:       Jesus, I complain a great deal of all that is my tree of life
                              each day:

                               The traffic
                               My work
                               The boss
                               My spouse
                               My family
                               My friends
                               Loneliness

                              All these I know are the plan your Father has
                              for me!  I need you to help me remember
                              that all this, if I use love, patience and kindness,
                              can be the way to carry the tree of love,
                              instead of despair. Jesus in your cross you
                              patiently carried all of my everyday sufferings;
                              let me continue the same for love of you
                              so that others may hope in you.

              

Today's Fasting Prayer:

Dear Lord, help us to remember how you willingly accepted your cross with patient endurance.  Rather than resort to complaining, help us to carry our crosses and discern your will properly and with utter clarity, so we know what decisions we are to make.  Help us to love selflessly today Lord, even when the cross seems more than we can bare. 

Lord, also pour our your graces and healing of this generation and the future generations that are being born into this world.  Rid us of our sins of the flesh and purify our hearts and minds, so that they may be focused on living your message of love and passing this and a culture of life and light on, instead of one rooted in sinfulness and death.  Amen.

Citation:

Vivona, Francis., J.C.L. (1994).  The Way of the Cross for Everyone. Autom:  Phoenix, AZ.

A Lesson from "There Be Dragons" & Fasting Day 8

Day 8:

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of seeing the new movie, "There Be Dragons."  It is a film about St. Jose Maria Escriva, who founded Opus Dei.  In this film, looks at the life paths of two men from childhood, one being Jose Maria and the other his childhood friend.  The film shows how each individuals' paths unfolded and how they did or did not respond  to God's plan for them.  Jose Maria, essentially embraces the suffering of his life and the Spanish Civil War and turns  to God.  His childhood friend however, embraces vices, such as anger, hatred and jealous, hence putting his soul and relationships is dire jeopardy.  Overall, the film shows that we all have a choice.  We can either embrace God and seek to find in him each day, and follow his path, even in the midts of suffering, trusting that he is good and has a plan for us.  Or, we cannot simply reject God's plan, the love he offers and the gift of life he offers to us.  If we do the later, we will most definitely fall in peril.  Also, this film is about forgiveness at its very core.  It is about overcoming forgiveness with love, even in the midst of something like war, death and betrayal.  Forgiveness is not easy, but what this movie shows, is that if we do not forgive when we are wronged or hurt by another, we are really one that suffers, because that unforgiveness will rot away at our heart and soul, creating anger and where love once was, a vacuum is left and if we do not forgive, that space will surely become occupied by the enemy, who wants us to hold on to past hurts, unforgiveness and sorrow.  Those things planted by the enemy due to our lack of forgiveness will act out and they will act out in an evil vengeance if we are not too careful.  It will negatively effect our closest relationships and even how we respond to others in our day-to-day lives.

Therefore, today during my fast, I have been concentrating on forgiveness.  I have my own struggles with forgiveness and need to forgive others and let things go into the past and start anew, this hard for me. 

I've also focused my fast today on marriage.  It just so happened that today's reflection in my fasting book and in daily prayer book I bought years ago in Medjugore, both talked about marriage.  Both works echoed how a purity of love that comes from God must be rooted in marriage and how important it is for couples to pray together and be a reflection of God's love.  Both works also discussed about how spouses need to be an example to one another and to others (friends, family, coworkers) by living a love-filled life that is rooted in their faith.  Essentially, both the movie and these reflections talked about the concept of love.  For the last several months I have been thinking of this word "love" and am realizing it is more than a feeling, it is a daily decision, it is an action, a verb, a sure challenge, a risk, a vulnerability, but worth it.  We must love like Christ loved.  As Jesus said, "and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Fasting Prayer:
Dear Father, may we be filled with your love so that we may bring it to others.  May the love you fill us with help us to choose the path you are laying out before us.  May the love you fill us with help us to forgive, even when it is most difficult.  May the love you fill us with help us to heal.  May the love you fill us with pour out of us on to others, so they may know your goodness and seek you.  Help us to remember how very lovable we are, we do not need to seek love, because we are loved by you, which is the greatest love of all.  I asked especially Lord today, that you pour out your blessings on all married people, may they be a living example of your love.  Heal marriages that are struggling.  Let your will done in marriages that are discerning.  Help us to remember that marriage is also a vocation and a call to holiness.  Help married couples to make the proper life giving decisions.  Amen.

P.S. Here is a link to the trailer of "There Be Dragons," I highly recommend this movie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tk05XVC1EtY

Fasting Day 7

Day 7:

To persevere:  "Continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no indication of success."  Wow!  In order to persevere , one must have a degree of faith, hope and trust, especially if what we are perserving in is not yet showing any indiciation of success.  Today is my 7th day of this partial fast and it really is a journey, because some days are better than others, with their ups and downs.  However, despite my weaknesses and really wanting to grab a glass of wine or piece of meat, I know I need to perserve.  I have not had a huge "awakening" in the last seven days, if anything, I have just confirmed how weak of an individual I am; however, deep down inside, I know that "When I am weak, I am strong," (2 Corinthians 12:10 ) so I will perserve.  I trust that God will pour out his graces on me as I perform this humble and little sacrafice.  I trust he will answer my prayers and grant me clarity and a resolution to my discernment. 

Today in my morning reflection I came across these words that happen to be inscribed on a cathedral door in Milan:

"All that pleases is but for a moment.  All that troubles is but for a moment.  That only is important which is eternal."

Preserve and focus on the eternal! 

Today's Fasting Prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of a new day.  Each day you give us an opportunity to start over, to preserve.  Grant me your strength and courage.  Release me from every fear and concern.  Take care of it all Father, I know that you will. 

As a special intention I would like to also pray today for all the elderly and lonely in our families, neighborhoods and those who are forgotten about.  Grant them comfort, peace and the gift of companionship.  It is possible to be lonely even when one is in a crowd, so be with those people in a special way today Lord.  Amen.

Citation:
Beyer, Richard. (1993).  Medjugorje Day by Day.  Avia Maria Press.  Norte Dame, IN.

Google. Dictionary.  "Persevere."  Retrieved May 18, 2011 from:  http://www.google.com/#hl=en&biw=1579&bih=694&q=persevere&tbs=dfn:1&tbo=u&sa=X&ei=HPTTTd26Js7ngQfUnO0t&ved=0CCIQkQ4&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=ecbf8a9c27052cf6

Day 6

Day 6, May 17, 2011:

I read a brief reflection today that stated something very simple and true, that we "cannot enjoy the fullness of life in Christ when you are still a slave, bound by addictions."  Now addictions can come in many forms, some are more apparent than others, some are private.  But, I would said that most people in their lives have struggled with one form of addiction of another.  I know in my life I have become addicted to worrying, it has become an unwelcome friend of mine, day-in and day-out.  What is unfortunate is that I am starting to see that this has lead me not to have the peace or clarity I seek.  I see that the enemy preys off of our weaknesses and addictions and for me, the enemy is good at causing me to doubt and second guess myself.  I have other areas of my life that I guess if I was really honest with myself, I would have to admit that they are a form of an addiction, and when thinking about these things, yes, I can see how they keep me away from living in the fullness of Christ.  As I said before, I get in the way a lot with my relationship with God.

Today's Fasting Prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of a new day.  I ask that you give me the necessary graces to be free of my addictions and fears, so I may have clarity and be sensitive to your Holy Spirit and the gifts you are wanting to out pour on me.  Forgive me Lord for my doubt.  Please let your most holy and perfect will be done in my life.  Lead me Lord, I want to say Yes, but I am afraid and confused.  Heal me Lord and help me not to get in the way of that.

Also, Lord, I pray for every family member of mine.  You know the private struggles they carry in their hearts and relationships.  Pour your Holy Spirit out on them Lord and renew them.  Let your will be done in their lives and let them seek your will, Amen.

Citation:
Franklin, J. Fasting:  Opening the Door to a Deeper, More Intimate, More Powerful Relationship with God. Charisma House:  Lake Mary, Florida.

Day 5

Day 5, May 16, 2011:
Yesterday was my fifth day of fasting and it was a little tough sense I was at a family gathering, but I stayed meatless, which was good.  Yesterday the book on fasting that I am reading asked the question, "How has this fast, so far helped you to relate to your heavenly Father?"  One is that I am constantly reminded how weak I am, meaning how weak the flesh is.  Second, that I am starting to realize that sometimes I get in God's way.  Sometimes instead of trying to let things take their course, I feel the need to control, interject or influence the situation somehow.  This fast so far is showing me that I have to say "Yes" to God everyday and every moment.  It has to be that constant, or I stumble.  This fast is showing me how very dependent I am on God and need to be.

Fasting Prayer:
Dear Lord, today I lift up to you the souls of the departed and all the souls in purgatory.  I pray for all those departed souls that have no one here on earth to pray for them.  Amen.

Day 4

Day 4:
Today was a bit up and down, but I still managed to get through some of my goals on my fast.  Sometimes as we try to get closer to God or seek an answer, we are bombarded by negativity and sometimes respond that way as well.  I am learning that I can definitely get in the way of my own fast, my own prayer life, my own relationship with God.

Two thoughts that I mediated on this weekend were love and service.  Yesterday at a formation meeting, myself and my formation director discussed the concept of God's love.  I shared that sometimes, especially after I have sinned, I have a hard time accepting this love, I feel distance, unworthy, undeserving.  For some reason it is hard for me to always see God as merciful and ready to forgive.  I shared I think this is partially why I have a hard time forgiving and getting past things.  However, I know that part of loving is forgiving, whether that be myself or another.  We also discussed how love is an action and a decision.  For example, waking up each day and deciding that I am going to love my neighbor, family, and those that are hard to love.

Also, today at mass, our Deacon gave the homily and it being "Good Shepard Sunday," he discussed not only vocations to the priesthood and religious life, but the vocations of lay people.  I was deeply touched about his testimony on why and how he and his wife went through the Deacon Formation process.  He too discussed love and how the root of his vocation is to live the Gospel, especially reflecting on how Christ came to serve, not to be served.  I had to really think about this, because I had an incident come up this morning somewhat unexpectedly and at first I jumped to anger and then recalled what Deacon Moore had discussed, love and service, essentially putting the other first, not serving my own needs or comforts.

Sometimes fasting days are much harder than others, that was my experience today.  But, some of my goals were still met, thank you God.  Thank you God for continuing to show me my weaknesses and what I need to perfect through you and your mercy and love, which is always there whenever I am open to receiving it.

Today's Fasting Prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of today.  Thank you for all the priest, religious and lay people you've put in my life as good Christian-Catholic role models.  I have been blessed to have more than a few.  I pray again for an increase of vocation to the religious life and for all lay people, that they two may discover your vocation for them.  I also pray for my own vocation, lead me Lord, who am I and who are you?  I want to give you my YES!  Teach me how to love like you love Lord.  Teach me how to serve like you serve Lord.  Amen.