Today was a bit up and down, but I still managed to get through some of my goals on my fast. Sometimes as we try to get closer to God or seek an answer, we are bombarded by negativity and sometimes respond that way as well. I am learning that I can definitely get in the way of my own fast, my own prayer life, my own relationship with God.
Two thoughts that I mediated on this weekend were love and service. Yesterday at a formation meeting, myself and my formation director discussed the concept of God's love. I shared that sometimes, especially after I have sinned, I have a hard time accepting this love, I feel distance, unworthy, undeserving. For some reason it is hard for me to always see God as merciful and ready to forgive. I shared I think this is partially why I have a hard time forgiving and getting past things. However, I know that part of loving is forgiving, whether that be myself or another. We also discussed how love is an action and a decision. For example, waking up each day and deciding that I am going to love my neighbor, family, and those that are hard to love.
Also, today at mass, our Deacon gave the homily and it being "Good Shepard Sunday," he discussed not only vocations to the priesthood and religious life, but the vocations of lay people. I was deeply touched about his testimony on why and how he and his wife went through the Deacon Formation process. He too discussed love and how the root of his vocation is to live the Gospel, especially reflecting on how Christ came to serve, not to be served. I had to really think about this, because I had an incident come up this morning somewhat unexpectedly and at first I jumped to anger and then recalled what Deacon Moore had discussed, love and service, essentially putting the other first, not serving my own needs or comforts.
Sometimes fasting days are much harder than others, that was my experience today. But, some of my goals were still met, thank you God. Thank you God for continuing to show me my weaknesses and what I need to perfect through you and your mercy and love, which is always there whenever I am open to receiving it.
Today's Fasting Prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of today. Thank you for all the priest, religious and lay people you've put in my life as good Christian-Catholic role models. I have been blessed to have more than a few. I pray again for an increase of vocation to the religious life and for all lay people, that they two may discover your vocation for them. I also pray for my own vocation, lead me Lord, who am I and who are you? I want to give you my YES! Teach me how to love like you love Lord. Teach me how to serve like you serve Lord. Amen.